Two Jokes for Kids...

Joke #1: Overheard on Sponge Bob...

What do you call a snail on a boat?

I don't know.

A snailor!

Joke #2: Overheard during a screening of Charlotte's Web...

Knock Knock

Who's There?

Eggs

Eggs Who?

Eggs-zactly

Overheard...

This joke comes straight from my seven-year-old... What has four wheels and flies? (Usual answer...an airplane?) Nope...a GARBAGE TRUCK! And a question from my four-year-old after the death of our cat... Do you think Oliver's eyes stayed open so that he could watch TV in heaven? Another doozy from the four-year old... Mommy - I had really good balls at the bowling alley today.

The Credit Card

My seven year old daughter, who has recently been bitten by the shopping bug turns to me yesterday asking the question of the week:

"Mommy, how do you get a credit card?"

"You have to get a job," I tell her.

"Can I get a credit card?"

"Not until you get a job," I respond, thinking that'll put an end to the conversation"

"But I have a job," she replies. "I clean the cat litter!"

Short but Cute

Overheard in our minivan...

"Tell your mom that we should go to the ice cream store,"

"She's not my mom. She's my mommy."

Mommy, Take a Look at This...

I'm busy typing away on my computer while my four-year-old son calls out to me from the den. "Mommy, you have to come see this!" "What is it?" I call out to him. "Come see my penis!" He screams. I think to myself, oh this can't be good. I climb up the steps and ask him what the problem is. "Look, mommy - my penis keeps wiggling and jiggling." Completely flustered, I haven't the faintest idea how to respond to this comment, so I just tell him to take his hand away from his wee wee and it'll stop doing parlor tricks for him. "But Mommy, I don't want to!" he shouts. "Look, it's really hard Mommy." At this point, I am completely flushed, have no clue how to tell him that he needs to revisit himself in another decade or so, give or take a few years and so I just say, "Just wait until Daddy comes home - his does tricks too."

The Scary Movie

We're on line at the movie theater about to see the premiere of Flushed Away (Click Here for our review), and my son walks over to a poster-sized ad featuring some scary horror flick that's coming out in a few months. While staring at the face of some menacing madman, he looks at me and says, "Mommy, I don't think I can see this movie because it'll give me night mirrors."

Halloween House Hunt

Every year we attempt to go trick or treating on our street and the pickings are pretty slim. Most of the houses have their lights off which is a natural deterrent to not wanting to give kids candy, so this year, we decided to try a new plan of action. We left a load of candy in a cauldron on our front porch and headed off to a busier part of town where scores of trick or treaters were busy ringing doorbells and coming up with fistfuls of candy. Our kids were thrilled with this new Halloween destination and when we returned home, we found that no one...not one single kid had taken a piece of candy out of the cauldron. My daughter looked at the bagfuls of candy that were left over this year and came to one simple conclusion. "Maybe we should move," she said. I stared at her incredulously and said "No, we're not going to move just because no one trick or treats at our house." To which she responded, "But mommy, if we moved, then you wouldn't have to waste all that money on that candy since nobody takes it anyway."