THE DOCTOR VISIT

I've taken my daughter to the doctor to treat an ear infection and my son, who has tagged along, insists that he's sick too and wants to be examined. "Mommy, I have a stomach ache," he whines. I tell him, "Don't worry, I'll take care of you when I get home, I know how to treat tummy aches." To which he replies, "But Mommy, you're not a doctor."

MOMMY THE TECH WHIZ

Rebecca and Dylan are excited to watch "The Polar Express" but they can't seem to get the DVD to work. "Mommy, you've got to come fix this." Mommy walks into the room, presses a few buttons and suddenly, the movie starts to work. "Wow mommy, that's amazing, you fixed the DVD player," says Rebecca. "What are you, a superhero or something?"

THE ZAGAT GUIDE

I was in Barnes and Noble looking at cookbooks and without missing a beat, my 12 year old daughter assessed my culinary prowess with one telling comment: "Mom, what are we doing in this section? I thought your cookbook was the Zagat guide."

OUCH!

Dear Teacher, My mom just went back to work and I don't know what to do. Signed Lonly (not a typo...that's how he spelled Lonely).

MY DATE WITH RAMONE

Sara, a six year old tells her mom about her new boyfriend Ramone: "Ramone asked me out on a date. I asked him what time he'd pick me up and he said 8:30. I told him I can't come because my mommy makes me go to bed by 8.

WHAT'S IN GRANDPA'S NOSE?

Following a recent family vacation, my three-year-old noticed something strange in his grandfather's nose and decided not to say anything about it until he returned home. While sitting in the back seat of the car he proclaimed, "Mommy, I thought there was a booger in Grandpa's nose, but it was really a hair nose."

MY LITTLE PARROT

I admit that I'm not the kind of parent who monitors everything my kids watch on TV and sometimes, when they don't go to bed as early as I'd like, I let them stay up and watch frivolous comedies like "Anchorman" and "Kicking and Screaming" featuring Will Ferrell, or the cult favorite "Napoleon Dynamite." Herein lies the problem. When your three year old repeats everything he hears, suddenly lines from the movies that you'd rather keep private are now in the public domain or in his case...pre-school. When he blurted out "It's so damn hot...milk was a bad choice," to his teacher and then chanted "Vote for Pedro" on a recent airplane trip and then last night shouted "Way to go Bing Bong," I realized it's time to either enforce his curfew or be subjected to a Disney marathon until he finally falls asleep